Relationship question?

Ok, I’ve decided I am not good at this “relationship” or “dating” lark. For one I am way too fussy for my own good and secondly I have the lowest self-confidence ever when it comes to someone I actually like and showing them this fact! For the rest of the time I can flirt like crazy but when my heart becomes involved, my body, constant verbal wit (rubbish) and overly friendly character/personality take twenty paces backward and I lose all confidence!

To be absolutely honest I’m petrified of firstly being rejected but most importantly being hurt. This is of course what most of us have been through and apparently, as I’ve learnt, pain is part of the cycle of life only it changes in quality, quantity, time and effect.

The metaphysical version of the heart is such a curious item. When you fall in love you suddenly feel these literal aches in places you didn’t know existed to the point you can actually feel where your physical heart is and you feel invigorated by this new sensation that runs through your body colouring every aspect of your life. At the same time you feel exhausted and you spend so much time waiting…. One’s mind is constantly playing over every conversation, look and smile. Did I say something stupid or was I actually making intelligent conversation! Well, ok, maybe not “intelligent” but so long as I didn’t make a fool of myself, I would be eternally grateful!

With people who are looking for sexual gratification, one doesn’t have to be clever or witty or particularly intelligent; you only have to worry about whether the skirt is short enough or the top showing enough cleavage (this is of course from a female perspective). The perfect example is this one friend I have who spends his entire evening when he goes out scanning the scene looking for the ever eager “short skirt”. He is the perfect example of what I imagine the primitive cave-man was like; hunt, find woman, drag back to cave and finish every conversation with “ug”!

So we have determined that I have no time for “cave-men” and I can assure you that there are plenty out there! Let me describe someone who is different then. Someone who inspires me – yes, I still want to try and make myself pretty for him but I am constantly looking forward to our next conversation. Somehow he can make me feel amazingly good about myself every time I see him. I can laugh so much about anything and everything that you wonder why you can’t feel like this always. To be able to talk about anything from fried eggs (I’m making an example, we haven’t discussed those) to the emperors new clothes (an example of the possibility of politics)! I’m talking rubbish again….but it makes sense in my head! Of course I find him very attractive as well which, is a plus. I love the way he smiles and laughs; the way he laughs with his eyes and even when he looks so serious and pensive.

First impressions are always important and my first impression of him was perfect, better than I have ever known and every time I’ve seen him since, my impression of him has only improved.

I digress though! Now that I’ve made my confession of the year and completely over shared! What I really want to know is; can a girl ask a guy out? Is it too forward and brazen? Does it scare guys or does it thrill them? Do they want to do the chasing or would they mind a girl telling them she likes them? Somehow this makes me think of the film “Notting Hill” when the female character played by Julia Roberts says, she’s just a girl standing infront of a boy, telling him she loves him and asking him to love her. Ok, it might not be exactly word for word correct but it is my point.

My uncle apparently used to have an expression; grab the bull by the horns and kill it! That was how he tried to approach everything in his life especially those things he would have preferred to leave to the last minute, as well all do. I like to use this as my inspiration but sometimes it’s easier said than done. It would however be something worth remembering – to live life with gusto instead of regret and inhibitions. For one or rather for me to say to “Mr X”, I like you, if you don’t like me that is fine but I want you to know that there is someone in this world that thinks you are great, with a beautiful mind and wonderful spirit. I am not something to be afraid of and my feelings are not something to be afraid of either but rather treasured. We are all only human looking for something to love and most of all something to care about.