L’Chaim!

So, here I am again….

I did not have a phone for the whole weekend at home so was kept from my usual “on line” activities! It is actually amazing how bored one can get! If one can’t live in another world such as television or internet then one is forced to live in the reality of this existence. At this point and time (being today, as tomorrow I may feel differently) there seems nothing worse than living in one’s own world.

I have actually thought this is why people watch the news and such things, because then they get to watch someone else’s life and after comparing notes, one can actually determine that maybe your life isn’t as bad as say someone in Iraq or someone who has just lost their home in a tsunami! It’s not a nice idea that people could actually be that “inhumane” but I think it is an honest idea.

This weekend I’ve been confronted with two road accidents, which could have been me if timing had been a little different. In the last two weeks I have actually seen two happen right in front of me which was kinda scary, the other was a few minutes before I had arrived at the scene. I find it does give you a reality check and remind you that life is very fragile and finite. It makes me think that if I was to die this very minute or within the next 24 hours, would I be happy and would I be ready to die and have I lived my life to the fullest (if such a concept is actually possible)? In all honesty the answer to all of those is no.

It takes me back to a couple of years ago (already) when I was going to go sky-diving. I thought this was very exciting and just what I wanted to do. My mother, on the other hand was absolutely petrified when I told her. I succeeded in being dragged up into the plane for the tandem jump which I must say was a most thrilling experience, even though my coach or jump partner had had to pry my fingers away from the wing support and when we touched ground my legs were shaking and I felt like kissing the ground!

The next time(s) I was supposed to jump was to happen the following weekend however, every time there seemed to be a problem; either the sky was too cloudy or the plane wouldn’t work or the one time I even drove right past the turn off to the airport (by accident)! It was supposed to be third time lucky when we finally got up into the air. Everyone jumped but when it came to me and I took a look out of the open doorway, being hit by that absolutely incredible force of wind which literally knocks the breath out of you and I said “no”! They flew around for a second time thinking I might pick up courage along the way but “no” was still the answer and I was sticking to my story! My coach agreed that he wasn’t going to force me out; apparently as far as he was concerned there had been too many hiccups as well and if my gut said “no” then he wasn’t going to be responsible for anything going wrong.

Of course the chances of something going wrong are slim but they can and sometimes do happen. I will never know if something was going to go wrong that day and I don’t want to find out. All I knew was that as I looked out of the plane and saw the immensity of what I was thinking of doing, I didn’t feel ready to die that day. So far my gut feelings have never been wrong so why should I stop listening to them now! At the same time I hate heights!

I guess I am a paranoid and I have an obsession with death. Apparently this is what happens when one hasn’t dealt with the deaths that have taken place in one’s life. It doesn’t seem to matter how much time passes, it always feels like it only happened yesterday. They, who ever “they” are, say it gets better eventually….

So, L’Chaim! To life! Live life to the fullest! Dance as though no one is watching! Love as though you have never been hurt! Most of all, remember to smile because you never know who you may affect today. That is all I can say because that is all I try to do….

Expectations vs Sacrifice

I’m bored…. I’ve gone through my email, downloaded more webshots, changed comments on My Facebook, said “hello” to old friends that I haven’t seen for ages – probably because they have left the country, like everyone else – and I have now gained contact with all these “old friends” because of this facebook thing. I’ve watched way too much TV (again) and been contemplating the getting up early idea tomorrow so as to drag myself off to gym! In short I feel like Bridget Jones!

Did watch a very sweet movie “Just like Heaven” tonight, a typical chick-flick purely because of its sentimental and romantic aspects. The perfect story where boy meets girl, they initially fight which creates the element of humour (apparently) and of course eventually they fall in love only to live happily ever after! Very sweet!!

A female friend of mine and I went to see the show upstairs at Reps last night (Doubt) and afterwards we were chatting as usual, catching up with our lives. We were commenting as usual about the lack-there-of, of “nice” guys in this country – unfortunately it’s a favourite of our topics. We really don’t know where the guys all hide! Of course if we do go out to any of the normal places i.e. clubs etc…then one only meets up with all the “wrong” type of guys who are looking for anything, for the night at least!

It seems to be a state of confused affairs – the guys we aren’t interested in, like us, while the guys we occasionally find interesting never seem to be interested in us! I guess the guys have the same problem – they are hoping Cameron Diaz is going to knock on their door and when it’s just one of us in all our simplicity knocking they think, just like we do, “why me”!

Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” always comes to mind for both of us – we are determined that we will find that infamous “love” element for the perfect relationship and when that happens everything will slot into place! Without that I believe there is no point to marriage. Forget about the comforts in life – I know all too well that one can NOT buy love and especially friends…well, at least not the true kind!

My idea for the perfect relationship has to be one where both partners must be the best of friends before anything else. Everyone has this idea that it’s all to do with the physical connection but that I know is the least of everyone’s problems – if all you have is a physical attraction then when that dies there will be nothing. Further more, if you plan on being married for ever (which is the archaic way but the ONLY way as far as I am concerned) then when one is 101 years old and look like death, literally warmed up, you will have to have someone really special to still love you and vice versa!

My usual question that I lay on people is, “can you see yourself with that person for the rest of your life”. If one can truly say “yes” then I think you’ve got a good start but if one can’t answer or does not honestly know, then take a step back and revaluate what you are looking for and if that person can give you that or whether in fact you can give that person the happiness they equally deserve.

I’ve come to a far wiser idea of love in my latter years…. (I’m going to go pluck out all the grey hairs now…or maybe just shave it all off!) This understanding comes with much loneliness, sadness and introspection. It is the simple things in life that make you appreciate what you have in life even if it is only for a short time. It’s the fact that I still feel my father’s hand on my back and I wish it wasn’t just a memory. It is the meaning of a “thank you” when it is the last words you hear from that person. It is the love you receive from a person who stands by you through thick and thin, no matter how much you have let them down. It’s that phone call that you receive from that friend who is all the way in France but somehow she knows you need to speak to someone and that no matter the distance she is still your friend. It is the poor white guy at my church whom I know lies but if I can help him I will and further more I always hope that one day he will be honest and he will have a change of luck. Maybe the best example though is that friend who gives up His life without any expectations except that He loved us.....

Me

I'm looking for another photo....
In fact I'm waiting for the reps picture to come out on the net - there I look really beautiful dressed up as a "pantomime hag"! Now that was fun!

Cape Town Ballet!

Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!!!!! Amazing! Brilliant!

If anyone gets a chance to see them then please do because they have to be the most amazing dancers we have seen in a long time! My mother being the strictest critic ever especially when it comes to ballet and considering there are very few shows that I will actually stand through, this was definitely worth it!

We were unfortunately late and so as it was a full house (Saturday is already full house too) it was kinda impossible to find two seats together by that point. Mom was thankfully able to sit down and the only other available seat in my view was broken (the fact that 7Arts isn’t full very often, they apparently don’t fix the seats) so I tried to disappear into the wall and stood with one of the ushers – ironic when you think we had actually paid for our seats but this is Zim (a bad excuse, I know and one that I despise but all the same a fact of life). It is a pity that one can’t actually book the seats like any normal theatre production…. However, I am not going to complain!

The show was brilliant! The dancers beautiful! Accordingly to my mother their technique was perfect especially the Prima Ballerina. From a lay point of view who has grown up with an ex-ballerina and someone who further more loved Nureyev, I couldn’t fault them and they kept me captivated. The men looked like men…one did forget that he was supposed to lead his partner but it does happen when you think you are more beautiful than the woman. The costumes simple and yet stunning (I particularly liked the pretty pink dress)!! Lights could have had some work….but that is the critic and the perfectionist in me coming out…again! Music was wonderful!

I know it’s something that mom misses so much; ballets and operas and….dare I say, professional productions. No offence to anyone (being an amateur dramatist myself I feel free to criticise and I am my own worst enemy), effort and passion is great and courageous but there is always something of that complete picture that needs filling; the element of perfection.

I know when I saw “Cats” in London a few years ago it completely blew my mind! It was the most incredible show I’d ever seen and I’ve seen a few….

However, considering the fact we don’t have the Cape Town ballet or the Drury Lane actors on our doorstep we have to appreciate what we do have and the fact that once a year we still get to have HIFA. This way we can still experience the arts of so many varied peoples and the talents of so many stars or future aspirants and see that even though we may be falling apart at the seams, people can still appreciate culture and we still have so much to offer….

Browning around etc...

I'm bored....so whilst looking around I found a poem I had forgotten about. Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "How Do I love thee? Let me count the ways..." This has to be the most beautiful of poems ever written. I might be exaggerating and I'm sure I know other poems that are just as incredible but the emotion and heart felt love that Browning displays here is incredible.

The joys of getting back to all this literature stuff, that is of course not a very language politically correct way of putting it and especially describing it as "stuff" but I am taking poetical writers licence. Was sitting in a class for A Level students Thursday talking "King Lear". Wow! It's amazing how quickly one forgets all the literary terminology and just how exciting it used to be....

That has to be one of the things I wish we all knew when we were at school, that it really isn't that bad! If one only knew that school is actually fun if one only gives it a chance. Admittedly, I am very jealous of the one of the schools (I'm not going to be harsh and mention any names but it's a school I didn't go to)...I met their English teachers at the workshop and the one in particular is one I wish I'd had when I was at school. She is one of those awe inspiring teachers that sees only the positive points in her students and looks for a way to fill them with this same spirit that is driving her....

The workshop or "Textpo" that started Saturday proved to be very interesting. We had several speakers discussing the facets of back of stage management. I have learnt that there is no way in hell I'm ever doing "flies" - the ladder is way too shear and the fly tower far too high off the ground for my liking! Sound design and operations, on the other hand seems to be very interesting and loads of fun and further more, does not require leaving the safety of the ground!

The only disappointing factor has been the fact that there is not enough interest in the dramatic arts especially back of stage in this country. Apparently a number of the youngsters entering into the drama field think back of stage happens by magic (I wish!)! People at least seemed to fairly interested in the King Lear workshop - but could be because they are studying it for school this year.

Of course I was informed that in the old days it used to be a requirement that one could only become a Reps member by also taking part in stage productions. Now, however, it is not compulsory to take part in productions to be accepted as a member and it is because of this that the bar actually carries the theatre or else the theatre wouldn't survive. The usual interests in this country being always situated around alcohol whether it's cricket, rugby or theatre! Sad that the youth these days and even the older group seem to think the only way anyone can have fun is by being drunk and in fact not even just drunk but completely and utterly legless!

As much as I love drama it is nice at the end of it all to retreat back into either my own home or go off to Sunday mass where normality still exists.

Text messaging....

Can you believe it!? A 13 year old in the United States won $25,000 US dollars this week for being the fastest text messenger! Her parents will be happy and so would I for that matter! Seriously though, the next thing they will do is make it an Olympic game which really would be ridiculous! Apparently “they” are calling her, Morgan Pozgar, a geek, Morgan of course doesn’t agree with this statement and neither do I for that matter considering this is the new and expected age of technology that we live in. Everyone below the age of 30 should definitely know how to use a computer and a cell phone considering it is the normal way of communication these days. Above that age criteria we can make allowances but if you don’t then where have you been?

My brother recently sent me an MP3 player after much begging and pleading… The alarming thing is that my mother who is the most technology backward person I know, now wants an MP3 player too! Of course the funny thing is, even though we both would have completely different music on our little toys, I will download the music for mom because I’m the one who has all the music, be it classical or whatever…well, that is except for the Spice Girls… I haven’t been in a huge hurry to get their old tunes or any of the particular “pop” idols. Don't know why....

I have found one song recently by James Carrington “Ache” that truly is beautiful! This I first heard on “Smallville” and so immediately went and found it to download.

Amazing...

Tonight I was sitting at Reps chatting to the one or two people I know that frequent the place and watching the other people that drift in and out. It is a great place to observe people. At the same time I find it interesting how people relate with people in accordance with their body language and their conversations.

People generally are fascinating creatures.

My questions that I would like to have answers to is where is that fine line between flirting and “flirting”? Someone actually explained to me there is flirting and there is spading. Apparently, for those of you who don't know (like I didn't) "spading" is when people are trying to score.

Either way, why is it that as soon as people realise you have came by yourself to a club, bar or any particular function they presume firstly that you are single and secondly that you are looking for something or rather someone? Why is it impossible to be female and sit at a bar, by yourself and purely want to meet with your friends to enjoy your evening without wanting anything more? Why was it so much easier to have male friends i.e. boys, when one was a child but when we are older there always has to be something else expected? Why can’t we just be friends without crossing any lines? Or basically why is everyone expecting sex at every corner? Are we only creatures with an animal instinct that states that we have only one form of communication that being to copulate? If that is the matter why were we given minds to think with and voice boxes to talk with?! Or was that some huge mistake?

At the end of the day…. Where is my knight in shining armour or does he not exist? Yes, maybe I'm putting too much pressure on the male species but then again why are we brought up on fairy tales only to be told later that they were all lies. I don't want to be swept off my feet....well, not exactly but I would love a man to know how to treat a girl and not be fifty years old when he does this! These days its either the youngsters who have the bravado to just ask if we'd sleep with them or the "elderly gentlemen" who think you are a "pretty little thing". All in all one could take it as compliments or else be insulted by both. I smile sweetly and thank who ever for their kind acknowledgement of my presence and leave it at that.

The really amazing thing is when you meet someone for the first time and there is that instant spark! Well, this happened the other day to me. It has to be the first time I've felt such a "spark", which is the only way I can describe it. Other times one may find people "cute" or "good looking", this time was wonderfully, amazingly different and so much more. It was like magic! Further more for once he wasn’t being typically male and hinting at jumping into bed but actually able to have a decent conversation which was truly wonderful. What got me was that spark I felt when our eyes met. I can't get over it. It truly was amazing!